Growing up. Crumbling down and Everything in Between. Part Two

At this age, I haven't really understood the concept of dating, relationships and what not. So how was I to know what one of my mum's first relationship other than with my dad was like. All I knew, was that I HATED him from the deepest pit in my lungs and I couldn't stand breathing the air in my house whenever he was around. He was apparently some captain of some weird knotted Ferry to Batam sort of thing. Oh well, I couldn't even care less. But, I remembered ever drawing a pile of Shit instead of his face in one of my tween-age diaries. (At that time, I did not know of Shitface, I just knew Shit and Face) Alast, I just carried on with my life, I actually forgot how long my mum lasted with that guy but apparently other fellow colleagues of his were interested in my mum too, so she had lots of "boyfriends" from that era. Whatever boyfriends meant to her.

And at the end of the day, my mum found out that her 27 yr old boyfriend was already engaged to a 26 yr old young lady and soon after they married, she got pregnant.

I suppose at that time, I was already pretty into the whole puppy love business that I could safely understand bits and pieces about how important having someone to love you and be loved is. I was also one of those hopeless romantic day dreamers that well, as people my age would now say, " Never Got Any".

During my early teen years, I had a few guys I got close to and may have had something special, but I never had a real real boyfriend. Since I spent most of my time online, most of them that I was close to were only a few hundred miles away in another swept of country I'd dream about going to someday. I can't say that anything has changed about that, since, well, I spent 90% of my time awake online, the other 10% are for my eating. showering and pooping.

(There was one though, one that really had a lasting impact on me, which I might tell you guys, one day.... one day when him and I are all blown over and forgotten.)

So anyway, I always did seek attention from the opposite gender, but my outgoing overly friendly ways always seem to, well, frighten them away! Either that, or they would think I'm into them or something. Now, one of the reasons I've come to realise that caused me to constantly seek attention from them was that my mother had always measured her worth to how many guys were after her at any point of her life. Only when I grew older that I've realised, that you know what? Forget the opposite gender, I'd like to be a lesbian.

(End of Part two)

p.s. no, I'm not lesbian. I just said that cos it deemed fitting. HAHAHAHAHAH. I'm perfectly straight TYVM.